Roxbury the Bag Lady and Isis the Nicest were sitting on cardboard boxes playing rummy while the rest of the women were picking up litter from the parking lot. It was left over from last night’s birthday party given for Selene and Phoebe; they were the twin daughters of Crazy Momma. Her seven daughters all lived in the parking lot with her. They once took turns beating their father after he struck their mother. They would have killed him if Isis didn’t stop them. She carried her father down the stairs and dumped him in the gutter. He never returned. From that day on they called her Isis the Nicest.

A group of well dressed women appeared in the parking lot, they were led by Teresa Nightinggale. They were volunteers that offered their services to sick can ladies and would collect cans for them until their health returned. All of them were independent women who rarely socialized with men. Helping women overcome their hardships was their only interest and they were here to help the can ladies. Roxbury and her friends listened intensively as Teresa told a story about a thief in a wheel chair. He was snatching the purses of can ladies after they had cashed in their cans His wheel chair was a high speed version and he was impossible to catch. The villain only robs women who collect cans, which is puzzling. Women who have had their purses snatched say he wears a ski mask and polo with the logo: I Hate Eyesores. Over five hundred can ladies have been robbed and many of them are starting to leave the city. If he is not quickly caught and punished the bag lady in L.A. will be a woman of the past.

After weeks of staking out spots where the thief in the wheel chair previously struck, Roxbury and her friends found out that he was impossible to catch. Even if seen committing a robbery there was no way to catch up to a wheel chair traveling at forty five miles an hour. It was agreed that the thief harbored a hatred of women and in particular can ladies. The bag ladies had only one clue to work on, and that was his fast moving wheel chair. Roxbury, Selene and Phoebe went to the biggest supplier of wheel chairs in the city and spoke to the owner. She was a woman in her forties who was shocked at the story. She said that she had never seen or sold a wheel chair that could travel at such speed. But if it was manufactured it had to be custom made. There was only one shop in L.A. that could put that type of chair together and that was Roy’s and she gave Roxbury the address. The woman also gave the three ladies the address of the women’s health spa that she owned; she said that it was converted into a disco in the evening, and that they were welcome to use the facilities free of charge. Roxbury thanked the woman for showing such kindness and said that they would sleep on her offer.

Roy was working on a motorized bicycle when the bag ladies entered his shop. He looked at the women and said that there were no toilet facilities.
Roxbury angrily replied that they were not interested in using a toilet but having a custom made wheel chair built. She said that it must be capable of high speed. Roy said that he had just sold one and he could also build one for them. Roy said it would cost them at least fifty thousand dollars. The women agreed on the price but they wanted to take a look at the wheel chair that had previously been built. They were then given the business card of Horace Mcgreedy the real estate tycoon. Roy said that Horace was the proud owner of the speediest wheel chair in L.A. and he would be delighted to show it to them
.

Roxbury, Selene and Phoebe entered the forty story high Mcgreedy building and were stunned at the beauty of the mosaic marble floors in the lobby. It was then that they noticed a large table filled with hundreds of used ladies hand bags. They were being sold for the bargain price of five dollars each. Selene asked the sales woman how it was possible to sell the leather bags so cheaply. She said that they were being sold for Horace Mcgreedy and his source was being kept secret. They then took the express elevator up to the penthouse office of the tycoon. After telling Horace that three women were interested in looking at his wheel chair the receptionist buzzed them in. He was a man in the early eighties and was sitting on his wheel chair wearing a white polo with the logo: I Hate Eyesores. Roxbury then told him the real reason that they wanted to see him. Horace knew that he was caught and there was no escape. He said that the can ladies were opening up trash bags in the high rent neighborhoods and creating an eyesore. It was causing his property values to plunge. The only way to restore real estate values was to chase them out of town. The plan was working until you three ladies entered my office. The tycoon offered Roxbury and her friend’s full possession of his villa in Switzerland if they would let him continue his mission. His offer was refused. They then told him what they wanted in exchange for letting him off the hook. He reluctantly agreed to the demands forced upon him by Roxbury.

Ten can counting machines were set up in front of the Horace Mcgreedy Building. The machines were set to pay out ten cents a can. That was double the amount that was previously offered. Bag ladies from all over the country came to L.A. to reap the harvest. Real estate values did plunge but the value of a bag ladies life rose. Horace became the hero and savior of the bag ladies who never knew the real reason behind his generosity.

A new dumpster was deposited in the parking lot. It was twice the size of the old one and made of stainless steel. It was donated by the can ladies of L.A. Roxbury and her friends couldn’t wait until it was full of all kind of goodies. But they would miss the old dumpster even if Horace Mcgreedy would have called it an eyesore.
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Retired and single recluse

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